Grok the Vote: The All-Important Dairy Farmer Vote
Nov 04Moreso than last week’s seminal “The Jackal” this is my favorite bit of pie-in-the-sky West Wing super-idealism ever. We’ll never hear this speech from a real candidate, and that’s a damn shame.
Loki Groks
Nov 04
It’s a crazy day, so let’s all take a moment to breathe. Why not chill alongside my friend Ellen’s cat, Loki, as he curls up with issue #2 of Grok? Loki really digs this essay by Jeff. Loki is very concerned about all the kitty-friendly geek establishments that have closed down in recent years. Loki feels Jeff’s pain and also wants to know if Jeff has ever tried this thing Loki loves, this thing where you stare at the wall and wait for shadows and light to appear and then stare at it some more? It’s very soothing. Loki thinks you ALL should try it, not just Jeff.
OK. Loki says you can go back to stressing out now. But, Loki reminds you, don’t forget to Grok the Vote!
Grok The Vote: A For Reals Public Service Announcement
Nov 04I realize this has nothing to do with nerditry, and I probably don’t have to say the following to the good people who read this blog, but just so that it’s said, if only to make me feel better:
1) VOTE.
2) Be patient. Record turnouts, long lines, occasional malfunctions…anticipate these things. Expect them. Bring a book, as Chris already suggested, and relax. What you’re doing is important. It’s worth doing right.
3) Be kind. Those who work on Election Day at polling places are to me nearly saints. They have to put up with buckets of bullshit all to help us lazy fools who don’t volunteer so that the sausage gets made. Say “thank you,” a lot, and smile, and be warm and grateful. They deserve it.
That’s it.
Grok The Vote: Voting Day Line-ups. WWND?
Nov 03Honestly, on voting day, what will ninjas do? Something to seriously consider. Here are my thoughts;
1) You’ll, never, ever know they are there. The less cunning ones would be easier to spot, having perhaps disguised themselves as bamboo salesmen or traveling minstrels from feudal Japan, but more than likely those one will have been weeded out well in advance of any polling, advanced or otherwise.
2) Careful spotters may notice tell-tale residual smoke from a ninja’s exit or in some cases, a few bodies, but being patriotic, these will almost always be voters who have already cast their ballot. If the deceased have not voted, there is clearly an evil ninja afoot how much be hunted and killed. The family of the avenged voter will get to cast the decease’s vote – if there is no family, the crowd will cast their vote by a show of hands. Also, all evil ninjas should be reported to election observers of all parties running.
3) Lee Van Cleef died in 1989, and therefore should not appear on any voter registries.
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Grok The Vote: Voting Day Line-ups. WWND?
Nov 03With the very real possibility of standing in lines for a couple of hours tomorrow (November 4th. Tuesday. Check local listings for showtimes), the question is begged; what would nerds do?
1) Reading – skip your comics pile, even the TPBs, as you’ll go through them too quickly. Your best bet is a paperback (fits in a pocket or purse – are they searching backpacks still?) and a couple of nerd friendly mags, like Geek Monthly, Royal Flush, Wired, Rue Morgue, MAKE, etc. Whatever you take, make sure it’s something you know you’ll like to read. Take that book and try the first few pages – pick again if you have trouble getting into it.
2) Mobile gaming – As with reading, the trick here is quantity without taking up space. One system – PSP, DS, what-have-you – one game. If there ever was a better time to finish every single piece of Katamari Damacy or Prof. Layton and the Curious Village, it probably involves time spent in a hospital. Games with a multiplayer component are good too, on the off chance someone else brings a console as well. But don’t choose MP over solid singleplay!
3) MP3 – Imagine trying to entertain yourself in the 2000 elections! All those CDs to juggle! Music is good, but podcasting is better, and Old Time Radio (which these days means almost anything that was made for radio up til the 80s) even better. Scour those torrents for BBC Radio comedies (Ectoplasm, Undone, Stephen Fry’s Complete and Utter History of Classical Music, anything by Terry Pratchett, etc.) or forgotten gold, like Rod Sterling’s Zero Hour radio plays from the 70s.
4) Quote-off – If you’re standing in line with friends, try communicating directly. Classic rules cover guessing the quotes given by the other guy, but a possible variation is re-doing a scene. Points lost/given when lines are missed or otherwise bobbled. And if you’ve really got the nuts for it, why not ham it up and entertain the crowd?
5) iPhone – Nuff said. It’s magical access to the internets, but remember; battery life. So, use sparringly (like, to check returns or contesting/confirming a line in your quote-off game.)
6) Layers.
DO NOT:
1) Snack it up – Save the food for post-voting-tacos, and go easy on the water (think sips when thirsty.) Avoid energy drinks and pop – you’re just begging to need to leave the line to go pee, and depending on the crowd, that may not fly. If you’re lucky, the crowd will be civilized about it, but just in case…
2) Don’t Talk Politics – It’s a bit fuzzy, but in general, anything that might be considered campaigning at polling stations is a no-no of various degrees of naughtiness, depending on where you are. And even if it’s not, who wants to get into a fist fight on voting day?
3) Wear costumes – Or more importantly, DO wear a costume, cuz that’d be AWESOME, but leave your blaster at home, trooper. If you have to ask why, perhaps just don’t dress up.
4) Not vote – Seriously, I make some room for people who can’t vote, because despite early polls and all the help offered by other voters, I’ll allow that circumstances can sometimes be a bitch. But not wanting or can’t be bothered to vote – fine. Hand in your opinion for the next two years (when you’ll get them back on probation for the mid-term elections.)
Alright – go get’em, and good luck tomorrow campers!
