The Unbearable Suckiness of Being GambitApr 30
A lot of folks are still skeptical about Twitter. I mean, there’s the recent Oprahcization, and then suddenly there are all these megacompanies and entire cities trying to “follow” you, and oh, yeah, the glut of “social media and branding experts” spammin’ it up, and I suppose I can see how, to a non-Twitterer, it might all seem like some sort of minutiae overload, wherein everyone can’t stop talking about their stupid boss and the snack they just got from the vending machine. #bbqruffles
But, look. Without Twitter, I would not have engaged in one of the most IMMENSELY SATISFYING nerd arguments I’ve had in forever.
Generally, loud, persnickety fandom debates drive me crazy. I once fled a comic book shop because people started talking about Final Final Crisis (or something) and one of my worst convention experiences ever involved being packed uncomfortably close to a pair of gentlemen arguing about “light Sith” in a panel-waiting line. I don’t know why, exactly, such things drive me crazy, except that maybe they hit a little too close to home — I mean, I have been known to turn into a raging wildebeest when provoked by Deep Space Nine haters. Or maybe I’m just trying really, really hard not to be that geek, the one for whom EVERYTHING is a Scott and Jean.
So today, I’m reading Book Smugglers. I usually agree with the delightful Ana and Thea about all the important stuff, so I was a little flummoxed to come across a bunch of positive commentary about…Gambit. Yes, Gambit. GAMBIT.
This set off…well, kind of a fucking shitstorm. So first some people wanted to know why I hate Gambit. Then some others chimed in with anti-Gambit comments. And then, it all bled over into RL, which is where things really got awesome.
But before I get into that, a brief interlude to explain that I hate Gambit for a lot of reasons (yes, I’m pissed that he’s in the Wolverine movie. Boo, Fox. Boo). The wretched, wretched accent, which both sounds and reads stupid. The dumb-ass power, which basically amounts to CARD THROWING. The sleazy, skeezy attitude, which reminds me of that guy from college, you know the one, the one with the greasy waterfall of hair and the vomitorious bedroom eyes and the bad lines about how he is a feminist, too, man, and would you like to hear a song he wrote about it? (NO, YOU WOULD NOT.)
“…the writers tried to stack too much into one character: He’s a thief AND a martial artist AND a cajun AND a mutant AND he wears spandex AND a trenchcoat AND throws explody cards AND uses a quarterstaff AND AND AND AND AND it’s ridiculous. It’s sort of like being a Space Pirate Amazon Ninja Catgirl…”
YES. Gambit is a character of excess. Stupid excess.
Anyway, as the Gambit Twitterthon started to take off, I mentioned that I am fond of his ladylove, Rogue. Within seconds, Friend Charley was at my desk.
Charley (sotto): “Rogue has a stupid accent, too.”
Zing! Before I even had a chance to retort, he was off, leaving nothing but a Charley-shaped dust cloud in his wake.
Two minutes elapsed. Then Friend Daniel was suddenly at my desk, too. I can’t replicate our actual convo because it was just that awesome, but here’s a rough approximation. Charley also zinged back at some point to egg him on.
Daniel: “GAMBIT. Gambit is awesome!”
Me: “The accent! The staff!”
Daniel: “The accent is awesome! The staff is awesome!”
Me: “No! You = so wrong!”
Daniel: “The coat!”
Me: “The coat! Fucking terrible!”
Daniel: “What is wrong with you, I am going to cut you with this broken Coke bottle!”
Me: “BRING IT.”
Daniel: “This is the most passionate argument I’ve ever had it work!”
Daniel: “We’re the greatest!”
High-fives, all around.
I then returned to Twitter and asked for validation. Here are a few of the best anti-Gambit Tweets — and no, I’m not paying you for them.
“Gambit is what happens when the 90s has too much to drink and throws up a character.” — @jason1749
“Is Gambit the dude that kills people with playing cards? I don’t read many comics, but death by paper cut sounds lame to me.” — @ktyler
“Gambit’s so stupid, his mask covers every part of his head except his face.” — @danielsolis
“No real hero wears a headband. ‘Nough said.” — @JosephFinn
“I’m sort of stunned that there is any argument period over the value of Gambit. He flat-out SUCKS.” — @AlertNerdMatt
Now that said…debate is healthy for geekdom, right? So if you want to express your love for Gambit, please do so, either in the comments or on your blog. And thank you for giving me one of my most enjoyable nerdfights of the last millennium — try as I might to shy away from it, there’s something really fucking satisfying about yelling across the room at your friend about why something sucks, particularly when the other person is convinced that that something is awesome, and therefore YOU suck. (Charley and Daniel: No, you suck! Just kidding. I love you guys, for reals.)