Jar Jar Sings: The Worst Sound Ever

Jar Jar Sings: The Worst Sound Ever

Apr 08

Back when the world was new and the horrors of The Phantom Menace were barely upon us, Meco decided to capitalize on the Star Wars Mania: 1999 Edition with a CD release of all his past Star Wars music covers/remixes/whatever you want to call them. The CD hit retail in 2000, a year or so off the mark, but who can argue with brilliance?

Meco, of course, is the “artist” credited with that disco cut of the main Star Wars theme that afforded the coke-addled masses of 1977 to flood the dance floor with their Obi-Wan Struts and Hammerhead Hustles, so excited by the Star Wars phenomenon that even their recreational drug use and boogie time had to somehow involve the film.

It’s perhaps less known that Meco continued his “work” to provide tracks for all three original Star Wars films; Wikipedia also reports he managed to parlay his “disco movie music” schtick into records focusing on The Wizard of Oz, Close Encounters, Superman, and Star Trek (which I need to get my grubby hands on).

The 2000 Star Wars music compilation featured two new tracks, a Europop annoyance entitled “Jedi Knight” and the song we have come here today to “enjoy,” “Cousin Jar Jar.”

The tune rips off the hook from the Isley Brothers’ “It’s Your Thing,” and I don’t have the liner notes handy, so I can’t confirm if they actually credited the original songwriters or just shamelessly ripped off their song. I can’t imagine the song ever reached any level of popularity that the Isley brothers would even know of its existence, but its sheer awfulness would surely be sufficient to inspire a lawsuit, if not from the Isleys than from any unfortunate listener who had their ears exposed to this monstrosity.

The song’s “story” involves a Gungan who apparently claims he’s NOT Jar Jar Binks, even as a pair of back-up singers continue to insist he is Jar Jar, and that they want autographs, and to see him get out on the dance floor. I can certainly understand not wanting to be confused with Jar Jar Binks, but maybe work on the accent, as whoever is performing as Jar Jar can’t even get his mildly offensive speaking style down. Doing a good Jar Jar impersonation is certainly no point of pride, but good LORD Meco, at least TRY a little.

I guess Meco assumed that The Phantom Menace was going to be some kind of universally embraced phenomenon, and that just as the morally-bankrupt singles of the late seventies would want to pursue unprotected casual sex on the dancefloors of America to the tweets and blurps of R2D2, so also would the young people of the early aughts would want to shuck and grind as a lame Jar Jar impersonator stumbled through lame pidgin english jokes to a lame canned reggae funk beat?

Jesus and seriously, y’all: This is one of those recordings so awful it transcends badness and attains its own kind of twisted brilliance. Check it.

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There’s a lot of little awful moments that roll together to create this horror, but the one that makes me throw up in my mouth a little is when the back-up singers coo:

“Jar Jar, take me home to your galaxy far, far away…”

Yep, these are human women who want a Gungan to TAKE THEM HOME, and we all know what happens when ladies get taken home after dancing: MAXI OKIE-DAY.

Wow. The nausea…it’s overpowering.

Right before the fade-out, the Jar Jar impersonator says, “Dis a longo song,” and truer words were never spoken.