Star Whoring Gets Weird

Star Whoring Gets Weird

May 11

I blathered just a few days ago about the strangeness of the new “Han Shoots First” T-shirt from the online Star Wars store, considering that it’s Lucasfilm’s goddamned fault that Han DIDN’T shoot first in the SEs in the first place, and of course, the shirt’s already been done.

Now, another indicator of LFL’s undeserved “ironic” touch: A new ad I’ve spotted in a comic (and which I cannot find online DAMN YOU TO HELL STAR WARS NERDS GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER AND SCAN EVERYTHING AVAILABLE ON THE PLANET SO I CAN LINK IT WHEN I NEED TO) that basically says, “Hey, we know we’re just churning out figures for characters that spent three seconds on screen in the films. Ain’t it kewl?!”

Y’know, people buy figures, collect Star Wars shit, that’s fine. I used to do it myself. Go with God.

But isn’t it kind of a kick in the groin for Lucasfilm to essentially say in its advertising, “We’re bilking you for every penny we can get, and you let us, and we like it, so fuck you?” In other words, BUY this “wacky” T-shirt that basically advertises how you’ll be repurchasing films this fall that you’ve bought five times already. BUY this action figure of a guy in a rubber suit who spent three seconds onscreen in a movie that’s thirty years old, just because we made it, and just because you collect shit. BUY these five action figures and send away for this rare sixth figure of George Lucas, which we’re promoting as something clever and unique, even though we sold you the same goddamned thing four years ago and told you it was clever and unique back then.

Geeks can be suckers. I know, because I often am one myself. Just don’t rub my fucking nose in it.

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