Mental Mailman, Bring Me No More Toys
May 18That has GOT to be the furthest reach for a “clever” headline in the history of blogs.
I am pretty much on the toy bandwagon at this point. Which is to say, if I fell off the toy bandwagon, I’d max out my credit card on toys. It didn’t sound right to me either, but that’s the way it is.
I don’t buy toys anymore, because I don’t have room and I don’t have money. In the past, I didn’t have room or money either, but I did have a relentless self-destructive attitude about my finances. Which explains the stuffed Bride of Frankenstein doll I recently sold on eBay.
I think my last remaining weakness when it comes to toys is the whole Kubrick/Minimates phenomenon. They’re just so dang cute! I can’t help myself. I still keep an eye open at cons for the Star Trek original series Minimates from Art Asylum–I have at least one of each already, but I want one to open and one to save. They’re THAT cool to me.
Now DC Direct is getting into the act with their upcoming Minimates line. Mini Booster Gold and Blue Beetle! Someday I can create my own mini version of the Giffen/DeMatteis JLI! Oh, dream of dreams!
Also tempting: These little Who’s Who statue things. They actually come out in, like, two weeks. Pending availability and cost, I may have to check those out. Then hide them inside body cavities to get them in the house, because if my wife catches wind of it, she’ll use her super pregnant strength to snap my neck. As well she should. Baby needs diapers, and Matt does NOT need toys.
Even if they are AWESOME.
Although it inspired this pap you read now, I will NOT be buying the new Battlestar Galactica Minimates. Dunno why it is–maybe cause the show is so gritty?–but the idea of owning a tiny Legoesque version of Edward James Olmos holds no appeal.
Hey! Free comics! On the online!
May 18Andi Watson’s Little Star looks to be exactly what I need, as I count the days toward impending dadhood:
“Simon Adams is certain of what he’s not: he’s not one of those dead-beat Dads. He’s a thoroughly modern “involved” Dad. Watch him stagger through the pee, the poo, and the puke in a sleep-deprived haze. No, you’re not alone, this is what it’s like for everyone. Bi-monthly.”
Shooting War is an exceptional online comic with a LOT to say about modern American life. Highly recommended.
And if you’re like me and your local comics emporium did not order any copies of the Free Scott Pilgrim book from Oni, you can now read it on your very own compumonitor. Viva la ethernet!
Random stuff
May 17I think we need a name for when we do these collection of items posts. Maybe something we could slightly tweak individually. And I haven’t a clue what that something could be. I’m going to think on it.
First off, Clerks II is hitting theaters at the end of July instead of the end of August. Hooray! Apparently they’re debuting at Cannes, so rather than lose momentum, they’re going to release nearly a month early. Also, Kevin has a second Evening with Kevin Smith DVD coming out, An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Evening Harder. HAAAAaaaaokay the funny of the title doesn’t last long. But I’m getting the DVD, because that stuff’s high-larry-us.
Secondly, Ernie Cline has a new CD out, The Geek Wants Out, which isn’t as extensive in content as his first CD, but hits all the high notes and it’s not a disc he burnt himself. I treasure my Ultraman is Airwolf CD, inkjet label and all.
Thirdly, umpteen new Hot Fuzz on-set video journals have been posted.
Fourthly, Stan Lee has a reality TV show? Why did no one tell me? You got to see the season finale to Battlestar Galactica first, what more do you want? I get it. You’re angry because we got Dr. Who first. Well, be that way.
Honestly, as kooky as the whole thing sounds (Who Wants To Be A Superhero?) I like that the competitions test the high end of human standards (courage, compassion, self-sacrifice, etc.) I’m all done watching contestants shouting at one another to lose. Ever watch Fear Factor lately? There’s a few people I’d like to punch. Well, a lot really. At least one in every show, that doesn’t know when to draw the line between strategy smack talk and just being a prick.
Pretty Scary
May 17Thanks to Sarah introducing me to the world wide web of women’s websites that don’t involve nudity, I’ve got lots of good stuff to read these days. Prior to discovering When Fangirls Attack, I use to read everything by Arinn Dembo over at Pretty Scary, which is by women horror fans, for women horror fans.
She just posted her latest column, an essay/review/shortstory on Slither, which kicks ass. I’d also recommend reading her other Personal Demon columns as well.
The Send Matt to Shitty Movies Fund
May 17Every summer, it happens, and every summer, I get sucked in.
I’m talking about the summer movie season, which I love, and shitty summer movies, which I don’t love so very much at all, really. Inevitably, though, I end up at one or two of them. I feel compelled to check out Catwoman to see if it’s really THAT bad. Or I find myself in the third row of a crowded theater watching The Day After Tomorrow, praying for the sweet release of death.
Inspired by Joshua Eliis’ experiment in net-funded journalism, I have decided to try my own version of it. This summer, I will not see these shitty movies on my dime. I will see them on yours.
Here’s how it will work. You can make PayPal donations to the Send Matt to Shitty Movies Fund in ANY amount via the button below. I’m serious–25 cents, 50 cents, whatever. As soon as I have enough to buy a matinee ticket at my local googlemegaplex theater, I will poll contributors via e-mail on which film I should see.
I will then attend the film, and write about the abject shittiness of it on this site.
If contributions stall at some point, I only really need $3 to see a film at the second-run theater near my house, but those will be old dusty movies. Instead, for just a few pennies, you could send me into the gaping maw of the opening weekend of ANY or MANY of these sure-to-be-shitty flicks (lemme know if I’ve missed any):
X-Men: The Last Stand (Opens May 26)
The Omen (Opens June 6)
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (Opens June 16)
Garfield’s A Tale of Two Kitties (Opens June 23)
Pulse (Opens July 14)
Miami Vice (Opens July 28)
Ghost Rider (Opens August 6)
Come on. Tokyo Drift?! Seriously?! I would KILL to tee off on that crapfest.
I like to think I’m a pretty good writer, especially when I hate something. Let me save you from these horseshit bloated disasters and give you a few yuk-yuks in the process. Thank you, and may God bless America.
UPDATE: Even now, as I tinker with this gorram button to make it LOOK right, Chris has already stepped up to the plate with a SIZEABLE donation. Many thanks, True Believer! Should no other brave movie fans and lovers of the worst in American culture step up, Chris will become my benefactor for the summer, like Mozart and that guy in Amadeus played by Jeffrey Jones.
