FCBD 08: I Apologize (No, Really)

FCBD 08: I Apologize (No, Really)

May 06

Honestly?

I am sorry.

I regret taking more than three comic books on Free Comic Book Day. It was a jerk move–low-rent, immature, and cheap.

I think deep down, I always knew that, and was trying to be snarky, and defensive, and deflect the argument so that I didn’t have to face it. My momma didn’t raise no thief. Looking back on that moment makes me feel clammy and small.

Worse to me has been my reaction throughout–petulant and “edgy,” even when I was trying to engage in “adult” conversation on a topic that holds great interest for me as a fan. I guess the best you can say about my behavior is that they were “crimes of passion,” but that doesn’t make it okay.

To those who came here to talk about the story, I apologize. I’m embarassed by my own behavior. I’m not the kind who “gets off” on this sort of thing, honest. I wasn’t thrilled by whatever attention was paid to my post; at the end of the day, I’m disappointed, because I would rather we were noticed for good writing and smart ideas and funny bits. When these internet things happen, I get frustrated, and angry, and say and do things I regret–it’s not fun. I care personally about my writing and so the occasional flame war gets taken far too personally as well.

I’ve been active on the internet for fourteen freaking years, and I’m still amazed at the capacity it has to reduce me to my lowest common denominator–to turn me into a smartass brat.

(Not that there isn’t still a place for well-timed humor…being a smartass is as natural to me as breathing. I just let it get out of control.)

Anyway, I value this site as a place for sharing ideas, even when we’re all passionate, and even when I make the mistake of allowing myself to believe that being “right” is more important than being decent and human. I’d like to think of this as a momentary, regrettable lapse in judgment, one that I regret, and hope you’ll stick around, new or old–it’s good to have you here.

And I am interested in finding some way to restore my personal karmic balance after taking the comics–I have one good idea toward that, which I’ll be pursuing over the next few days. I’ll keep y’all posted.

Thanks.