OOT on DVD

OOT on DVD

May 04

Well, it’s coming. Star Wars as most of us knew it and loved it when we were still in short pants is hitting DVD.

That’s a good thing. There can be no doubt. But of course, being a card-carrying Lucas hater, I have a bad feeling about this.

First off, this has been a no-brainer for years. There is serious money to be made, bucketsful of it, and Lucasfilm deserves no pats on the back for finally figuring that out. I’d like to believe this decision was motivated by a newfound respect for film and popular culture history on the part of ol’ Georgie boy, but I realize it’s happening for the same reason motivating practically every other Star Wars-related decision for the past decade: Cold, hard cash.

Then we have this. The wacky “Han Shot First” T-shirt. I’ll even be charitable enough to leave aside the fact that this shirt has already been done, in a far cooler way that doesn’t involve a hackneyed caricature of Harrison Ford, and that they can’t even be clever enough to come up with THEIR OWN SMART-ASS APPAREL ABOUT THEIR OWN GODDAMNED MOVIES.

No, what really bends my wookiee is that they wouldn’t even have needed to MAKE the shirt if they HADN’T CHANGED THE MOVIE IN THE FIRST PLACE. To me, this is like being smacked around by your wife and then being forced to giggle at jokes about it later. Do we fans not already regret their terrible decisions? Must our noses be rubbed in the Bantha poodoo they excreted onto their own landmark films?

I really need to give FAR less of a shit about Star Wars. Cause you KNOW I’m buying these goddamned DVDs regardless of how much I bitch about it, and even though I’ve already obtained OOT DVDs of exceptional quality for free from teh intarwebs. Curse my metal body.

WikiWikiWhack: Han Shot First, George Lucas