Indy "Arrives" (Or: George, Cut Down on the Cheetos)
Indy "Arrives" (Or: George, Cut Down on the Cheetos)
Jul 18As I continue to chronicle the pathetic attempt on the parts of three of our preeminent film juggernauts to recapture the vanished glory days of their youth, I submit the latest installment in my “How in the name of fucking GOD can Indiana Jones 4 actually be any good?” campaign:
Indiana Jones: Community | Video: Indy Arrives
Shot by Spielberg himself, it depicts three self-satisfied, fat and sad old men sitting around in the desert while a multi-million dollar film project takes place around them, a project pinned on the impossible possibility that maybe George Lucas (whose prequels mostly sucked), Harrison Ford (whose movies since…well, since FOREVER have mostly sucked), and Steven Spielberg (whose movies have…okay, they’ve been mostly good to great) can make lightning strike a fourth time.
Mark my words, genre fans: It vehemently AIN’T HAPPENIN’. If it does, I will literally eat Indy’s hat.
Seriously. If I see this movie–which I will–and it is good–which is impossible–then I will eat a fedora.
Umm.
I don’t see what you’re so upset about.
This is bad.
But it’s not as if they’re going back to when Indy, Marcus, and Sallah were in college together to re-boot the franchise.
Now, quick: for extra internet fun, be the first to cast those three roles in the re-boot.
Indy=Joshua Jackson
Marcus=Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Sallah=Sayid from Lost