Jeff Pitches Ten Horrible Marvel Comics Ideas

Jeff Pitches Ten Horrible Marvel Comics Ideas

Jan 28

1. A Ronin ongoing series. Will it star Maya Lopez? Will it star Clint Barton? Will it star a new Ronin, possibly Kate Bishop?

Yes.

Like the Uni-Power or the 100 Bullets briefcase, a different superhero ends up with the Ronin costume in each issue or arc. El Aguila. Killraven. Red Hulk. Deadpool. All of them could be Ronin. And then they ninja fight for 20 pages. And of course, no matter the gender or dimensions of the person in the suit, they always look like a really buff guy.

Why? Is it because the Ronin costume is…magic?

2. Beast and Thing move into an apartment together. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this beyond playing the “Odd Couple” theme and smiling maniacally.

3. Really, aren’t all those Spider-Man villains just furries when you get right down to it? And also Frog-Man. This would, of course, be a MAX series.

4. What if Weapon X made a clone using DNA from Wolverine and Deadpool?

5. Did you know that Jean Grey has been alive this whole time? She’s just been chilling in Rhode Island, running her own indie bookstore and having a flirty, will-they-or-won’t-they thing with the rugged-yet-vulnerable guy who owns the hardware store next door.

6. When he deigns to notice that his accursed foes The Avengers have a team of Young Avengers, Doom creates DOOM YOUTH in Latveria. But what does this have to do with the return of…KRISTOFF?!

7. Ken Hale, High School Math Teacher.

8. Marvel Bromance – Steve Rogers and Tony Stark take a cross country road trip in Captain America’s old van. Back-up feature – Spider-Man and Wolverine try to pick up girls and fail miserably.

9. Planet Red Hulk. World War Red Hulk. Red Skaar, Son of Red Hulk. See also: Blue Hulk, Yellow Hulk, Orange Hulk, Indigo Hulk, Violet Hulk, Hulk Corps, Hulkest Night.

10. Secret Wars III – Someone Exposes The Beyonder To Internet Culture. “Spider-Man, I must have Taco Tuesday – TODAY! For I AM FROM BEYOND!”

16 comments

  1. I would be proud to purchase every issue of ideas 5 through 8 above.

    (You know this requires a DC universe response, right? I’m starting one now.)

  2. Man Jeff, these are all gold. Except #3, you sick @$#%.

  3. “Did you know that Jean Grey has been alive this whole time? She’s just been chilling in Rhode Island, running her own indie bookstore and having a flirty, will-they-or-won’t-they thing with the rugged-yet-vulnerable guy who owns the hardware store next door.”

    Sarah has to write that one.

    “Secret Wars III – Someone Exposes The Beyonder To Internet Culture.” – Jeff, you and I should do this as a mini-comic to give away at cons. I am not kidding. It can be like 8 pages, I don’t care. I will draw it for real, not like that other thing I’m 1-3/4 pages into and actually trying to make look good.

  4. PJ, we can completely do that. I will get to work on it stat.

  5. Ok, I would probably read 2, 5, and 7, but I would read the HELL out of 8. Especially if Spidey were swapped out for Cyclops in the backup feature. These are not terrible ideas. They are AWESOME ideas.

  6. Yes, I would definitely read and/or write #5. In fact, I can’t believe *I* didn’t write that description.

  7. You know, I have no idea why it took this long, but I looked at Ronin in some book or other yesterday and I thought “Wow, that is a terrible costume. I mean I could kind of see the point when there was a big tease about who he was. But now that he’s gone and unmasked on television why the hell is he still wearing a mask that covers his whole face.

    And what the hell happened to Maya Lopez anyway?

    Oh. Sorry. I love your ideas! Especially Jean Grey, bookstore girl, but you knew that. Do you think Jean is Team Jacob or Team Edward?

  8. I like to think that Jean would be Team Bella, though she would clearly think Bella should marry Edward while secretly still carrying a torch for Jacob.

  9. I hope this scenario doesn’t involve Wolverine “imprinting” on someone.

  10. Yeah, I can hear Rachel somewhere loudly disclaiming her involvement with this. She does not want to make an imprint on Wolverine. . .

    Though it would be funny if it was one of the Nates he imprinted on. I’d read that comic. What?

  11. I am afraid to confirm this, but you cannot be the only Cablerine shipper on the web.

  12. Wasn’t that their kid in Ultimate X-Men?

  13. Pretty sure #5 is the plot the Gilmore Girls, only if Jean had a teen daughter, ran a inn, and the love interest ran a cafe which used to be his father’s hardware store.

  14. No. Stars Hollow is in Connecticut, not Rhode Island.

    …okay, look, I really like Gilmore Girls.

  15. I once wrote a joke in which Tony Stark hit on Jean and Rachel Grey, simultaneously, by saying, “I don’t just watch Gilmore Girls for the witty repartee, if you know what I mean.”

    I don’t know why Marvel hasn’t hired me yet.

    Not to imply that’s why YOU, Jeff, like Gilmore Girls. As the sad science guy in the movie pointed out, not everybody can be Tony Stark.

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