Nerdly Advice Special: BATMANNERS

Nerdly Advice Special: BATMANNERS

Oct 14

[Nerds have questions, but nerds have to appear authoritative or risk losing their nerdy cred. In this case, people have questions for Emily Post’s Etiquette Daily that we have shamelessly borrowed, and they’re questions that only the Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight Detective, The Ebon Etiquetteer can handle.

That’s why, as a recurring feature on Alert Nerd, Jeff answers these conundrums anonymously. It’s like Ann Landers Miss Manners as written by Gorilla Grodd Batman. We call it Nerdly Advice BATMANNERS.]

Q: Several of my coworkers pooled their money and bought a beautiful rocker for my baby shower. Should I write to each of them, or will one thank-you card suffice?

Coworkers are a cowardly and superstitious lot. They won’t be cowed by a simple card…they need a symbol to strike fear into their hearts. A symbol like…a bat. Send your coworkers a card with a bat on it, the message “I AM THE NIGHT, thank you for the rocker” on the interior.

Q: I’ve just gotten engaged and would like my college roommate to be my matron of honor; but she’s in the midst of a nasty divorce. Would it be insensitive of me to ask her when my spirits are so high and hers so low?

Despite what the Kryptonian or that idiot archer think, our mission is not suited for high spirits or jovial quips. Crime is like a plague. A plague that claimed my parents. Matrimony, like crimefighting, is a war. Involving your friend in your war might get her mind off of the personal tragedy that she will never be able to prevent no matter how many times I try. I mean, she tries. The gown and the veil can be symbols of fear, but to a righteous person, they can be symbols of trust as well.

Q: My sister asked me if I thought she needed to lose a few pounds, and I said yes, but then she got upset. This is such a land mine. What’s the best response to such a question?

Why would you say yes? Seriously? Honesty is often the best policy in life, but that should never be an excuse for rudeness, especially when it come to a hot-button issue like weight/body image. The best approach is a Socratic one. Ask your sister if she feels she needs to lose some weight and ask why. Use that as a springboard to engage in a more meaningful discussion about her concerns.