The Send Matt to Shitty Movies Fund
The Send Matt to Shitty Movies Fund
May 17Every summer, it happens, and every summer, I get sucked in.
I’m talking about the summer movie season, which I love, and shitty summer movies, which I don’t love so very much at all, really. Inevitably, though, I end up at one or two of them. I feel compelled to check out Catwoman to see if it’s really THAT bad. Or I find myself in the third row of a crowded theater watching The Day After Tomorrow, praying for the sweet release of death.
Inspired by Joshua Eliis’ experiment in net-funded journalism, I have decided to try my own version of it. This summer, I will not see these shitty movies on my dime. I will see them on yours.
Here’s how it will work. You can make PayPal donations to the Send Matt to Shitty Movies Fund in ANY amount via the button below. I’m serious–25 cents, 50 cents, whatever. As soon as I have enough to buy a matinee ticket at my local googlemegaplex theater, I will poll contributors via e-mail on which film I should see.
I will then attend the film, and write about the abject shittiness of it on this site.
If contributions stall at some point, I only really need $3 to see a film at the second-run theater near my house, but those will be old dusty movies. Instead, for just a few pennies, you could send me into the gaping maw of the opening weekend of ANY or MANY of these sure-to-be-shitty flicks (lemme know if I’ve missed any):
X-Men: The Last Stand (Opens May 26)
The Omen (Opens June 6)
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift (Opens June 16)
Garfield’s A Tale of Two Kitties (Opens June 23)
Pulse (Opens July 14)
Miami Vice (Opens July 28)
Ghost Rider (Opens August 6)
Come on. Tokyo Drift?! Seriously?! I would KILL to tee off on that crapfest.
I like to think I’m a pretty good writer, especially when I hate something. Let me save you from these horseshit bloated disasters and give you a few yuk-yuks in the process. Thank you, and may God bless America.
UPDATE: Even now, as I tinker with this gorram button to make it LOOK right, Chris has already stepped up to the plate with a SIZEABLE donation. Many thanks, True Believer! Should no other brave movie fans and lovers of the worst in American culture step up, Chris will become my benefactor for the summer, like Mozart and that guy in Amadeus played by Jeffrey Jones.
What does a movie cost in America these days?
I think just $6 will get me in. Please, think of the children.
OK, I’m in, but with the understanding that it not be spent on Garfield (because I hate Mondays, but don’t care about this movie) or X-men and Ghost Rider (as I will be seeing them myself one way or another.) You CAN use some of it to see less movies and buy snacks. I’m down with funding snacks.
What I really want to know is now that the kid from American Gothic is all growed up, can he act? He had a certain presence as a kid, but did it carry over to adult hood. So, go see Tokyo Drift and report back to me.
Also, I’m very depressed that the kid from American Gothic is all growed up. I had a tough enough time with Kirsten Dunst having boobs in Spider Man, thanks very much.
Love, an old man.
can someone please tell me how to get rid of that extra space above the button??? what the hell??
and again, thanks, chris. i promise I won’t blow the entire wad on popcorn. at least, as long as I stay sober. which isn’t likely.
The form code reads like extra carriage returns to the blog system, hence the space. I moved the whole form to the same line, and it’s gone. Solved!
Matt, Canadian funding of this endeavour requires that no more than a third can be spent on snacks, and of that third, no more than half that can be on booze. Just so you know how that works.
Canada – we’ll fund all sorts of shit and we have the paperwork to prove it.
Wow–it’s even an “endeavour” now. WITH the “u.” I feel like Bill Shatner.
Hi Matt. Here via Chris. I’m here to plead with you to not see said movies. When we’ve got stuff like Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and Snakes on a Plane, we don’t need to shell out our own or other people’s money to the troglodytes who make The Fast and the Furious et al. It only encourages them. If you absolutely have to see them for some masochistic reason, do it the punk rock way: sneak in, dude! You know, not that I advocate anything illegal. 😉
Marlo, I appreciate the punk rawk spirit of stealing corporate culture. However, I take the very catholic stance that PAYING for this shit is what will give me every right to make personal, hateful, spite-dripping posts about it.
although I am not leaving out the possibility of betraying my readership and spending most of the money on a flashlight pen so I look very critical when I go to see the bad movies.
Shouldn’t The DaVinci Code be included in the list? Or it isn’t shitty enough?
Eh, it could be shitty. I’m probably gonna see it anyway–I guess that means I have shitty taste. I should refund all this beautiful money I’m using to light these expensive cigars, shouldn’t I.
Is there a date for the first poll?