Nerdly Advice – Boy Trouble

Nerdly Advice – Boy Trouble

Mar 17

Sometimes nerds need advice.  Jeff is good at substituting snarky one-liners for actual solutions to people’s problems, and that makes him an expert.  He says it’s like a popular syndicated advice column as written by an obscure comic book character.  He calls what he does Nerdly Advice.

Have a question?  Email it to nerdlyadvice (at) gmail dot com.

Dear Nerdly Advice,

I’m a geek girl in her mid-20s, and I’ve never had a romantic relationship.  I like to think I’m intelligent and interesting, and there have been plenty of geeky boys I’ve been attracted to, but I’ve never seen a spark of interest on their parts — or known how to identify it, if I have.  I find I communicate best with people I have something in common with, and I can have great conversations with these guys, but it never goes anywhere beyond that.  Sometimes I feel like nerdy guys are only interested in women who look like Emma Frost or Kitty Pryde (which I definitely do not), but I like to hope that isn’t really the truth.  After all, I wouldn’t expect the guys to look like Superman!

So my question is this: how does a geeky girl go about meeting interested geek boys to date?  What are the social protocols of nerd dating?  What are the steps to overcome the social awkwardness of nerddom — on their part and mine?  And how do you successfully flirt with a nerdy boy when you don’t look like Wonder Woman?  I’ve seen a lot of advice columns give advice to nerdy boys looking to date girls, but I haven’t seen anything about nerdy girls wanting to date (nerdy) boys, so I’d love to hear any thoughts you have.

Thanks,

Lonely in Latveria

Hi LiL,

There is no better way to psych yourself out of dating than letting yourself get hung up on body image issues.  Especially if you’re projecting Greg Land-drawn physiques onto the situation.  I mean, those women Land is tracing are professionals, after all.

Attraction is not just a physical thing. There’s a mental element to it, too and at least in my experience it is the more powerful of the two.  In short, and I know this sounds hella trite, it doesn’t matter what you look like. I mean, hell, people date me and I look like the love child of Grizzly Adams and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.  So looks don’t matter.

Well, I mean, hygiene matters.

It sucks and it’s like tearing a band-aid off, but sometimes the best way to find out if someone is into you is simply asking. In last week’s peer into the mind of the geek boy, I pointed out that we can be stultifyingly shy at times and, for good or for ill, it will take some kind of confident advance by one of the two nerds caught in a romantic detente to get the other to commit units outside their borders.  Trust your gut; not the butterflies-y feeling you get, but your gut. It will likely know if there’s real chemistry there or a one-sided infatuation, if you can make yourself consult it.

It’s okay to ask him. He won’t get weirded out. In fact, he’ll probably be relieved that that ice has been broken.  That’s not me saying you have to be the aggressor, either.  Just confirming that if you are, it’s alright as well as acknowledging that boys are dumb.

Final piece of wisdom: it’s not a race. Rushing into a relationship just to be in a relationship only guarantees that you’re going to be in a bad relationship.

The Bin – 3/12/2010

The Bin – 3/12/2010

Mar 12

Remember when your friendly neighborhood Alert Nerds used to like stuff every week?  We’ve taken that feature and rebuilt it, made it stronger, faster and full of links, miscellania and like a YouTube video or something.  We call it The Bin, even though it’s the Internet and there isn’t, like, a physical bin that we’re putting this stuff in.

Stuff We Like This Week

Jeff: So, there’s a Hawkeye and Mockingbird ongoing. That’s a thing. I love Clint and Bobbi both separately and as a couple, so I am psyched about this. One of my favorite, formative comics storylines was the time travel epic where Bobbi got stuck in the old West and the Avengers fought Rama Tut.

Final Fantasy XIII is a beautiful game, but I find myself only being able to sink maybe two hours at a time into before it starts to overwhelm me.  It struck me that I’ve purchased every first-run Final Fantasy (the main series, not like Chocobo Womens’ Prison or what have you) game to hit the U.S. starting with the improperly-numbered Final Fantasy II on release day. I’m not sure what that says about me, but I do love Final Fantasy.

Matt: I discovered Doug Benson’s I Love Movies podcast one day while searching the internet frantically for Patton Oswalt clips to improve my mood. If you love movies too, and comedy, you will love this podcast. Benson invites fellow comics and actors to sit on stage with him and bullshit for forty-five minutes about movies. New movies, old movies, random movies. Benson’s funny as hell, and his depth of knowledge is part of that; maybe I’m alone but nothing makes me giggle more than a well-placed obscure reference. When he’s got fellow smartasses like Oswalt, Paul F. Tompkins, or Brian Posehn with him, it’s comedy gold. Crawl through the archives to catch the episode featuring Bob Odenkirk, the one with Adam Carolla andn Oswalt, and the recent episode featuring Leonard Maltin Game namesake Mr. Leonard Maltin.

Chris: I’m at GDC, so this could be short and what-can-I-take-on-the-plane oriented. I’m watching Don’t You Forget About Me, which was a documentary about John Hughes, made a few years before he died. It inspired me to download Weird Science for the flight home. I’m watching the shit out of the Tron trailer and listening non-stop to the Tron title track, released at Comic Con last year. Matt is spot on about I Love Movies, and I’ll toss one more into the pot – Mike Schmidt’s 40 Year Old Boy podcast, which is a rarity in podcasting. One guy talking for over an hour. But this guy is an experienced comedian with a sordid history to draw from – lots of laughs.

And finally, GDC – I’m here in a support capacity. All the big stuff for my game comes out later. But I did get to see modNation Racers (PS3) which is due out soon – I think some of the social things, a la Little Big Planet, are going to be fun for a lot of people. Imagine improving your ladder rank not solely based on your racing skills, but on your car skinning skills? Racers earn points for people using their car art, etc. Stuff like that.

I also got to play a lot of Lead and Gold – basically, Team Fortress in the Wild West, only it brings a lot of nice design decisions to the mix. Plus you can shoot a guy’s hat off, which is awesome. That should be coming out soon.

Link Stew

Curious, scared, and baffled by this art project, “Trilogy,” which takes the left side of Star Wars, the middle part of Empire, and the right side of Jedi and plays them on the same screen. Not by time but by visual, so it’s like a movie mashup beyond compare. Fascinating.

Hugo Weaving as the Red Skull is INSPIRED.

Etc.

Lost 6.7 "Dr. Linus"

Lost 6.7 "Dr. Linus"

Mar 10

I never trusted Henry Gale.  From second one, I knew he was up to something.  I wanted to torture him with a nail gun.  It was the eyes, I think. Those eyes.

My first thought, to crib from Robert Browning, was that he lied in every word.  And Henry Gale was a liar.  And a killer. A horrible little man.  He wasn’t even Henry Gale, late of Kansas.  He was Benjamin Linus, and everybody hated him for it.

How things have changed.

People who write off the craftsmanship of Lost and reduce it to a series of implausible twists and interminable teases have a crippled view of the show, and Ben Linus’s arc throughout the past five years has been a testament to that. Last night’s episode was a significant hour for him.

The question that has dogged us all season is one of destiny.  We’ve seen that Kate is always, well, Kate and that Sayid is never not a murderer, but we’ve also seen John Locke become a rational man, watched Jack deal with his obnoxious interpersonal issues and now we’ve seen Ben choose integrity and compassion over authority and power not just once, but twice, once in each world.

This season, as we start to learn more about Jacob and his lassez-faire way of rolling, his maddening lack of specificity, it’s easy to see both how he can turn the Others to his whims and why exactly it would make them seem like evil pricks. We’ve watched Ben move from zealotry to agnosticism and it has humanized him in unexpected ways. He’s given the island his daughter, his father and his entire adult life and when he was not rewarded with a medal and a parade, he lashed out angrily. In that way, his murder of Jacob is the most human act we’ve seen him perform.  I know that feeling, the feeling of being the good child in the Prodigal Son parable; odds are you do, too.  It would be easy for Ben to be spiteful and to choose The Man In Black/fLocke/whatever we’re calling him in fitful, angry vengeance; he doesn’t, though. He grows. He’s a dark man who chooses the light – a contrast to last week’s episode where we watched a dark man consumed by darkness.  Maybe – just maybe – Jacob saw that coming, too, and sacrificed himself to save Ben in the end.

Nerdly Advice: Number of SWAT References = 1

Nerdly Advice: Number of SWAT References = 1

Mar 09

Nerds have questions, but nerds have to appear authoritative or risk losing their nerdy cred.

That’s why, as a recurring feature on Alert Nerd, Jeff answers these conundrums anonymously. It’s like Anne Landers as written by Wyatt Wingfoot. We call it Nerdly Advice.

Dear Nerdly Advice,

I have a friend who’s in a big romantic rut right now.  He’s your quintessential video game nerd: owns an Xbox 360, PS3, Wii and has them all hooked up to his 46″ flatscreen, plus has a running subscription to a major MMORPG for the last five years or so.  He was single for about five years then in early 2009 he met a girl on MySpace, but he’s not met her yet.  This has been going on for a little over a year at this point and she keeps coming up with excuse after excuse after ridiculous excuse for why they can’t meet in person quite right now.  He lives in central CT and she’s in New York City, so it’s far from a hassle to take a day- or weekend-trip.  The thing is that I don’t think she’s ever going to make good on her promise to meet up.  He’s put so much effort and emotion into this girl and gotten nothing in return except tons of broken promises.  I want him to go out and meet other women, but most of his time is spent either online with the MMORPG or with his video games, not to mention that he’s extraordinarily devoted to making this situation with NYC girl work out.  I’m worried because I see a lot of my past romantic self in him, when I did nothing but read comics at home and wonder why I didn’t have a girlfriend.  It wasn’t until I listened to friends and family that I got out of the house, went back to school part-time and met the girl I’m currently involved with.  I am trying to help him realize that (a) – NYC girl needs to be put on the back burner and (b) – finding a world outside of Bioshock is a step towards finding the special someone he desperately wants to connect with.  I know it’s always harder to hear this from the friend who’s got a girlfriend, but I feel like it’s something he needs to hear.  I don’t know how to tell him any of this without sounding like I’m berating him or trivializing his problems.

Thanks,

—-Exasperated In Connecticut

Teaser Tuesday: Blockbusted

Teaser Tuesday: Blockbusted

Mar 09

Excerpt from “A Hero’s Journey,” Rolling Stone no. 397, June 1983
By Charles Huff

Our Hero stands tall against the forces of evil. In this case, “evil” represents a scene from his next film, one which refuses to achieve the rhythmic perfection for which he has become famous.

“Faster, more intense,” he repeats to his editors, over and over, a filmmaking mantra. Faster, more intense; faster, more intense; faster, more intense, for what seems like hours. If they’ve heard it enough, none of them lets on.

Finally he watches the scene and is satisfied.

“Let’s stop there for today,” he announces in a clear, crisp voice. “Thank you everyone.”

Only he won’t be stopping here today; he will spend the majority of the evening in the studio with this editing machine, watching his work in progress again and again. His wife stops by with dinner, a thirty-minute break to inhale a plain hamburger, fries, and a gigantic coke. Then it’s back to the reels. He takes copious notes with a number two pencil on yellow thin-ruled legal size notepads. There are hundreds of them stacked against the wall of his home office in Manhattan Beach, California.

Even in these nascent days of computer technology, most of the screenwriters I know have already made the transition to word processors. You can hear them comparing their bits and bytes against one another as they procrastinate in the endless coffee shops and diners that dot the LA landscape.

In his movies, Henry Lane frames the relationship between old technology and new technology as a constant battle; in his real life, the war has already been won.

You pride yourself on the cutting-edge technology that brings your stories to life, I ask him one afternoon over cheap beer. Yet you rely on the oldest of mechanisms to record your work. I’ve seen that ancient reel to reel tape recorder you keep by your bed for the ideas they come to you in the night.

“It’s what I’m comfortable with,” he says. “More than anything else, I’m a creature of comforts.”

The blockbuster success of Henry’s first two films has guaranteed that comfort for life. We’re drinking our cheap beer as we sit on the deck of his home, which is both large and beautiful. I stare at the ocean, rolling in, rolling out.

The large and beautiful home sits on a thin strip of sidewalk known as The Strand. Just past that strip is the beautiful California coast, and along the coastline roars the ocean.

“I’ve lived here for five, six years, and I spend a couple hours every day just staring at the water,” Henry admits. “It’s reassuring, like no matter what else happens in your life or your mind, there is always something that will be constantly moving, never stopping, never tired. It’s comforting, I guess, though comforting from what, I’m not sure.”

A pissy reporter in a People magazine feature, annoyed because he repeatedly refused her request for an interview, once described Henry as “an awkward gazelle, long and edgeless, with a hint of frump.” She nailed it, except for the frump, which has somehow evaporated with age, and that’s shocking, because Henry refuses to exercise.

I’ve known Henry for more than a decade, so his nearly implacable calm in the face of enormous tension is something I’ve grown used to. It doesn’t mean it’s any easier to handle, especially when I know he must be sweating right now. At least a little.

I empty the last of my brew. You’re staring down the end of a six-year journey that has made you wealthy and the most successful filmmaker of all time. You’ve changed the entire landscape of filmmaking and impacted our culture for probably decades to come. One more movie, and then it’s all over. What if it…

“What if it sucks?” Henry chuckles. “I don’t know…depending on who you ask, all my movies suck. I’m just trying to stay true to the story and see this through.”

Then what’s next, Henry? Another big movie? Something small and personal?

“A lot of rest,” he replies, grabbing my glass for a refill. “I can be incredibly lazy when I want to be.”

From Blockbusted (title tenative), due 2010 from Alert Nerd Press