{"id":30,"date":"2006-04-08T08:18:23","date_gmt":"2006-04-07T15:18:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/alertnerd.com\/blog\/2006\/04\/08\/the-movie-wasteland\/"},"modified":"2006-04-08T08:18:23","modified_gmt":"2006-04-07T15:18:23","slug":"the-movie-wasteland","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/?p=30","title":{"rendered":"The Movie Wasteland"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Fandango just invited me to &#8220;purchase advance tickets to The Benchwarmers today!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Um, I don&#8217;t think so.<\/p>\n<p>I hate the springtime. Yeah, shit blooms and grows and gets all green. Big damn deal. I live in California. Shit here is ALWAYS blooming and green.<\/p>\n<p>What I need are those big phat summer blockbusters. X3, Superman Returns, Cars, and whatever else the movie industry sees fit to hurl in my face three times a day until I have no choice&#8211;none!&#8211;but to report to my local multiplex for active vegetative duty.<\/p>\n<p>It should be an okay summer. Well, for me, it will be the greatest summer of my life, because my first child will be born in June. (Say it with me now: &#8220;Awwwwww.&#8221;) But for me as a moviegoer addicted to the mainline crack of summer films, it looks average to good at this point. X3? VERY doubtful. Cars? Probably fun. Superman Returns? Better kick my ass.<\/p>\n<p>Otherwise, what do I need to daydream about while I wait for cinema to cough up its pretty, popular children? The Star Wars TV series? Yeah, right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Fandango just invited me to &#8220;purchase advance tickets to The Benchwarmers today!&#8221; Um, I don&#8217;t think so. I hate the springtime. Yeah, shit blooms and grows and gets all green. Big damn deal. I live in California. Shit here is ALWAYS blooming and green. What I need are those big phat summer blockbusters. X3, Superman [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-movies"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=30"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=30"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=30"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=30"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}