![\"OCG\"](\"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/09\/OCG-Cover-164x300.jpg\")
<\/p>\n <\/p>\n
My first book, One Con Glory<\/em>, is now available for the buying<\/a>! This was initially a serialized story that got its grubby little start in the pages of Alert Nerd Press’ PDF ‘zine, Grok<\/em>, and slowly morphed into much more of an epic<\/em> than I ever intended it to be. Well, an epic<\/em> in my own mind, anyway.<\/p>\n Now it’s revised, expanded, and bound with a beautiful cover by the one and only Chris Stewart<\/a>. There are delicious extras — playlist! Author Q&A! — and amazing illustrations from webcomics superstars Max Riffner<\/a>, Benjamin Birdie<\/a>, and Pj Perez<\/a>.<\/p>\n The story spotlights an obsessive fangirl and her all-consuming quest for a particularly precious action figure. You can read a more detailed synopsis — as well as check out advance praise from the likes of The Savage Critics’ Jeff Lester<\/a>, Fantastic Fangirls’ Caroline Pruett<\/a>, and The Book Smugglers<\/a> — right here<\/a>.<\/p>\n But for now…here’s an exclusive excerpt. Read on!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n July 17, 2009 The food court hurts my eyes. And my nose. And my\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6general sense of decency.<\/p>\n Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s be real: the food court hurts everything<\/em>.<\/p>\n Especially when it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s 8:46 in the fucking morning and my best friend is trying to convince me that tater tots make for a balanced breakfast.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know you want it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mitch Caplan waves a deep-fried glob of starch under my nose, a devilish grin playing across his broad, freckle-specked face. Shuddering, I bat his hand away.<\/p>\n 8:47 now. Thirteen more minutes in this fragrant, brightly lit haven of over-processed food-like objects. I fidget in my rickety plastic chair, trying to block out sight and smell and sound.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbecause you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re never guaranteed a good crispiness level with french fry breading, but those McDonald\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hash brown thingies are almost too much<\/em> with the crunch. Am I right? Are you even listening to me?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What? I mean\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I shift around so I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m facing Mitch and widen my eyes into a passable expression of true attentiveness. He grins and pops another tot in his mouth.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are so not listening,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says through a mouthful of golden-brown greaseball. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrong, Julie? GinormoCon anticipation killin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 ya dead?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Before I can retort, a nasal voice cuts through the hazy, lard-scented air. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got stuff on her mind, Mitchell. Suckin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 up to nerdlebrities is a lot of frakkin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 work.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Our heads turn and there he is, an amalgam of pasty skin and beanpole limbs and pure smugginess. I narrow my eyes as he slides into a vacant seat at our minuscule table. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Braidbeard,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I mutter. More of a tossed-off epithet than an actual greeting.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How do you do that?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d marvels Mitch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like you just\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6appear. Out of nowhere.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Braidbeard swipes a tater tot and stuffs it in his mouth. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I have superpowers or whatever.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Right. Because arguing about DC continuity holes \u00e2\u20ac\u2122til you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re blue in the face is a superpower now.<\/p>\n The source of his nickname\u00e2\u20ac\u201da scraggly beard, carefully arranged into three unkempt braids\u00e2\u20ac\u201ddances back and forth as he chomps on the pilfered tot. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Double-u tee eff with that chick they just hired on Powers That Be<\/em>?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he brays, eyes goggling behind his aggressively hip clunky glasses. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are they actively trying to get cancelled? Because she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what I like to call a show-killer<\/em>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n I groan and slump back in my seat, scanning the food court. Save for a trio of fresh-faced Skrulls huddled over a plate of nachos, we are apparently the only ones who felt the need to stake out the L.A. Convention Center minutes\u00e2\u20ac\u201dnine minutes!\u00e2\u20ac\u201dbefore the GinormoCon doors open.<\/p>\n I was hoping to avoid any and all classic Braidbeard dissertations on Why Everything Sucks today, but that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what I get for hanging out with Mitch. The boys work together at the entertainment website CinePlanet.com, writing quickie reviews and reporting on \u00e2\u20ac\u0153exclusive\u00e2\u20ac\u009d news bits. Perhaps sensing that being co-workers = forced camaraderie, Braidbeard leeches onto Mitch every chance he gets. And Mitch\u00e2\u20ac\u201da genial, 6\u00e2\u20ac\u21222\u00e2\u20ac\u009d mountain of a man who projects an uncomplicated sort of goodwill\u00e2\u20ac\u201dlets him.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Powers<\/em> was fucked as soon as they decided to retcon season three out of existence,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mitch says mildly.<\/p>\n I sneak a peek at my watch. Seven minutes. Mitch raises an eyebrow. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Seriously, why are you so antsy?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he asks. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know Los Angeles\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 annual assemblage of all things geeky is exciting, but it ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that<\/em> exciting. And you have done this before.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n I have. In fact, as a writer for the ever-shrinking genre-focused glossy Mammoth Media<\/em>, I have covered GinormoCon, UnCon, CrappywashedupcelebssigningshitformoneyCon, and the granddaddy\u00e2\u20ac\u201dSan Diego Comic-Con. I met Mitch and Braidbeard four years ago on this incestuous circuit: a motley trio of baby hack-reporters, our plastic-encased press badges stamped proudly on our chests like gleaming beacons of newbieness. Upon realizing that we all call San Francisco home, I started hanging out with them in non-con environments. Or with Mitch, anyway.<\/p>\n Now, I cradle my badge discreetly in my palm, absently running my thumb over the cheap, synthetic material.<\/p>\n This con is different. For a few reasons. For one very important reason. But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not going to tell them that.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I just\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6I have this one-on-one later,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I say. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m kind of not into it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Mitch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153With who?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n My eyeballs wander over to the Skrulls. One of them has dribbled nacho cheese on his purple spandex uniform. I tip my head back and stare up at the impossibly high ceiling. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Jack Camden.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Mitch makes a spluttery sort of sound. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You?!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he chokes out. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re<\/em> interviewing Jack Camden? As in Periodic Seven<\/em> leading man Jack Camden?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Braidbeard\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyebrows knit together, forming a hairy caterpillar bridge. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t Julie be doing girly little cartwheels over that guy?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He claps a hand over his heart and approximates what he probably imagines is a sound of womanly ecstasy. It sounds more like a badly injured parrot. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Soooooo dreeaamy!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he trills in an offensively high-pitched \u00e2\u20ac\u0153girl\u00e2\u20ac\u009d voice. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Better than Edward Cullen!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153How do you know who Edward Cullen is, B?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mitch interjects. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I thought you refused to acknowledge Twilight<\/em> because it\u00e2\u20ac\u201dand I quote\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u02dcencourages little girls and soccer moms to invade our genre safe space.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I love how that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the same \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcsafe space\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 that contains mega-booby Top Cow heroines,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I mutter.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Emo vamp\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s name is part of the POPULAR CULTURE,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Braidbeard snits. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And popular culture is my job<\/em>. Now tell me what the frak is up with Jack Camden.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n I contemplate the ceiling for a moment more. Fucking Jack Camden. In truth, having to do this interview isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that<\/em> much of a hardship. It means my Bay Area-to-LAX plane ticket was paid for in full. It means I get to be at this con. And hopefully, that<\/em> means I get to have my Big, Epic Moment later on.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alright, alright,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Mitch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But please remember this when Julie is knee-deep in her tirade: you asked.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He did, didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t he? My head snaps back to an upright position. Across the room, the messy Skrull blots his uniform with a Shout wipe. I surreptitiously glance at my watch\u00e2\u20ac\u201d8:55. Five minutes. Plenty of time to spit out my well-worn theory on why the existence of a B-List TV star is representative of everything that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s wrong with popular culture. And, you know, the world<\/em>.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Look,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The Periodic Seven<\/em> is almost a perfect show, right? It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got those neat little plot twists, just the right amount of non-smirky irreverence, and a decent shot of old-fashioned cloak and daggery.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Braidbeard frowns. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a daggery?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shhhh,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Mitch, lobbing the last soggy tater tot at him.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s reasonably faithful to the source material and the cast is pretty great,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I continue. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Except for Camden. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the one sour note. The Dazzler of the Marvel Universe, the Clooney of the Batman franchise\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dazzler is a highly underrated<\/em> character!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d interrupts Braidbeard.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153The point is,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I say, determined not to let him distract me from my closing thesis, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153casting Jack Camden as Travis Trent is about ten billion different kinds of wrong. Travis is a scientist\u00e2\u20ac\u201da nerd\u00e2\u20ac\u201dwho just happens to be a superhero. Camden is a pretty boy who skates by on his cheekbones and has somehow managed to prolong a career that previously consisted solely of looking moderately conflicted in bad teen romance flicks. He has no soul.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Grinning indulgently, Mitch choruses the final line with me: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153And Travis Trent is supposed to have soul<\/em>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Braidbeard\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s eyes narrow. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I must admit to a certain\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6grudging admiration for your complete and utter obsession bordering on psychosis,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he says. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not like the source material was frakking Batman. Like, ten people read the original comic.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She was one of \u00e2\u20ac\u2122em,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Mitch, jerking his chin in my direction. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You know, Julie, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve always thought this was a black mark on your otherwise impeccable taste.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah, yeah,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I say. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t exactly Marvel\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s finest work to come out of the late \u00e2\u20ac\u212280s\u00e2\u20ac\u201d\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Third-tier at best<\/em>!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d shrieks Braidbeard.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But if you go back and actually read it, all the stuff that makes the show great is there. Young scientists gain superpowers when their lab is hit by a chemical explosion and awesomeness ensues. And then there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Glory Gilmore.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Whoa<\/em>.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Braidbeard waves a pointy finger under my nose. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are not dissing Dazzler and then holding Glory frakking Gilmore up as some kind of geek sacred cow.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I always felt a connection to her,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I say firmly. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Go back and read the comics\u00e2\u20ac\u201dshe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty fucking amazing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Dude\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6dude. Do you even remember what her stupid powers were?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Mitch throws back his head and roars with laughter. The effect is not unlike Sabretooth baring his massive fangs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shitty Jean Grey rip-off alert: Biokinesis and…something with telepathy?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Biokinesis and psychoempathy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I say through gritted teeth.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh, right, so basically she could only move, like, living<\/em> things and she could sense your emotions if you were standing right next to her.” Mitch starts roaring again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She was an even lamer version of Counselor Troi.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I sense danger\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6AND HACKY PLOTLINES!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Braidbeard is practically aerobicizing out of his chair.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153But I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll give you this,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says Mitch. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153TV Glory? Claire Yardley? She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pretty good.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yeah<\/em>, she is,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Braidbeard leers. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got at least two pretty incredible, um, assets. If you know what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m saying.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n I sigh and slump back in my seat. Whatever. Ever since The Periodic Seven<\/em> was reinvented as a TV series, geeks have gained a new appreciation for Glory\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6or for this version of Glory, anyway.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I meant her boobs.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We got it, B.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n I like Claire\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI do. But Comic Book Glory\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6Comic Book Glory is the true<\/em> Glory. Comic Book Glory is the one I felt close to. Like me, she had a strangely voluminous mane of jet-black hair that was neither wavy nor straight, but somewhere in between. Also like me, she tended to be in a constant state of annoyance about something<\/em>. As an overly morose seven-year-old, I got really crabby when, say, my mom wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let me wear my kick-ass red high-tops every single day. Comic Book Glory, meanwhile, was always getting pissed at her teammates for making various mutant messes around the Periodic Seven HQ. Only when Glory got pissed, she could throw your ass against the wall with her mind.<\/em><\/p>\n Which I wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mind doing to my con companions right about now.<\/p>\n But then Mitch is jumping up, gathering his things, and tossing the cardboard tater tot container into the garbage. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Doors are open!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he cries. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s go!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Nine o\u00e2\u20ac\u2122clock. Zero minutes.<\/p>\n Bring on the epicness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My first book, One Con Glory, is now available for the buying! This was initially a serialized story that got its grubby little start in the pages of Alert Nerd Press’ PDF ‘zine, Grok, and slowly morphed into much more of an epic than I ever intended it to be. Well, an epic in my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[180,20,69,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alert-nerd-press","category-books","category-fandom","category-meta"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2733","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2733"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2733\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2733"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2733"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2733"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n8:46 in the fucking morning.<\/strong><\/p>\n