{"id":1461,"date":"2008-11-24T03:54:21","date_gmt":"2008-11-24T10:54:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/?p=1461"},"modified":"2008-11-24T03:54:21","modified_gmt":"2008-11-24T10:54:21","slug":"george-lucas-ruined-my-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/?p=1461","title":{"rendered":""George Lucas ruined my life.""},"content":{"rendered":"

The Mail is running excerpts<\/a> of Carrie Fisher’s new autobiography, which is sharp. Raaaaazor sharp. And like every good nerd, I’m skipping to the bits about Star Wars. I was rather hoping she really meant that George Lucas ruined her life and was mad about it, but it’s mostly a haw-haw, teasing proclamation. Too bad.<\/p>\n

I’m adding bold to my favorites;<\/p>\n

George Lucas ruined my life. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.<\/p>\n

Even now, many years later, people are still asking me if I knew Star Wars was going to be that big a hit. Yes, of course I knew. We all knew.<\/p>\n

The only one who didn’t was the director, George Lucas. We kept it from him because we wanted to see what his face looked like when it changed expression<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Not only was he virtually expressionless in those days, but he also hardly talked at all. His only two directions in the first film were ‘faster’ and ‘more intense’.<\/p>\n

Shortly after I arrived, he gave me this unbelievably idiotic hairstyle. He said in his little voice: ‘Well, what do you think of it?’<\/p>\n

I was terrified I was going to be fired for being too fat, so I said: ‘I love it.’ Yeah, right.<\/p>\n

When I got this great job to end all jobs, which truly I never thought I would get because there were all these other beautiful girls who were up for the part – Amy Irving, Jodie Foster, Teri Nunn – they told me I had to lose 10lb.<\/p>\n

I weighed about 105lb at the time but carried about 50 of those in my face.<\/p>\n

So you know what a good idea would be? Give me a hairstyle that further widens my already wide face.<\/p>\n

Remember the white dress I wore all through that film? George came up to me the first day of filming, took one look at the dress and said: ‘You can’t wear a bra under that dress.’<\/p>\n

‘OK, I’ll bite,’ I said. ‘Why?’ And he said: ‘Because … there’s no underwear in space.’<\/p>\n

He said it with such conviction. Like he had been to space and looked around and he didn’t see any bras or panties anywhere<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

He explained. ‘You go into space and you become weightless. Then your body expands but your bra doesn’t, so you get strangled by your own underwear.’<\/p>\n

I think that this would make for a fantastic obituary. I tell my younger friends that no matter how I go, I want it reported that I drowned in moonlight, strangled by my own bra.<\/p>\n

Instead of a bra, what do you think I wore for support, intergalactically? Gaffer tape.<\/p>\n

I used to think there should have been a contest at the end of the day for who in the crew would get to help remove the tape.<\/p>\n

George is a sadist. But despite having to wear a metal bikini, being chained to a giant slug (Jabba the Hutt) and often being about to die, I kept coming back for more.<\/p>\n

Why, you might ask. Well, George is a visionary, right? The man has transported audiences the world over and has provided Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford and myself with enough fan mail – and even a small, merry band of stalkers – to keep us entertained for the rest of our lives.<\/p>\n

And don’t forget, George was the man who made me into a little doll. A doll that one of my exes could stick pins into whenever he was annoyed with me (I found it in a drawer).<\/p>\n

He also made me into a shampoo bottle where people could twist off my head and pour liquid out of my neck. Paging Dr Freud!<\/p>\n

And then there was a soap with the slogan: ‘Lather up with Leia and you’ll feel like a Princess yourself.’<\/p>\n

The nice people at Burger King made me into a watch. And I’m a little stumpy Lego thing. And now there’s even a stamp, which is totally cool.<\/p>\n

Among George’s many possessions, he owns my likeness, so that every time I look in the mirror I have to send him a couple of bucks<\/strong>. That’s partly why he’s so rich. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Mail is running excerpts of Carrie Fisher’s new autobiography, which is sharp. Raaaaazor sharp. And like every good nerd, I’m skipping to the bits about Star Wars. I was rather hoping she really meant that George Lucas ruined her life and was mad about it, but it’s mostly a haw-haw, teasing proclamation. Too bad. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1461","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-misc"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1461","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1461"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1461\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1461"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1461"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1461"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}