Friends and fellow Americans,<\/p>\n
When I was growing up in Philadelphia, one of the kids we’d play with was named Albert.\u00c2\u00a0 And Albert was fat.\u00c2\u00a0 So fat.\u00c2\u00a0 Albert was so fat that we all called him, “Fat Albert.”\u00c2\u00a0 Not maliciously, you understand.\u00c2\u00a0 We called Harold Tall Harold because he was tall.\u00c2\u00a0 We were consistent.\u00c2\u00a0 That reminds me of the time that Harold and I got on the J bus by accident.\u00c2\u00a0 It was Memorial Day, and my mother had sent me to the store with a dollar fifty to get a package of hamburger buns so my Dad could grill up some bacon burger dogs.\u00c2\u00a0 It was seven blocks to the store, but Harold was in a wheelchair from the time when Junior Brown knocked him over the side of the overpass when we were playing street basketball.\u00c2\u00a0 We all hated Junior Brown.\u00c2\u00a0 Because we were poor, we had to make up our own games, you know, so I invented a game where everybody stood against the fence with their backs to one kid, and this one kid, see, would pelt the kids with trash and rocks.\u00c2\u00a0 I called that game “Junior Brown.”\u00c2\u00a0 Kids today with their video games and their Pokemons and DVDs, they aren’t being raised correctly.\u00c2\u00a0 Instead of neglecting your kids inside, open the door and neglect them outside.\u00c2\u00a0 Anyhow, Fat Albert was so fat that he’d have to come into my house through the garage, and as you could hear him coming up the walk – hear him because the earth shook as he took each step: “BOOM” “BOOM” “BOOM” “BOOM,” “Hey Hey Hey, Missus Cosby!\u00c2\u00a0 Is Bill around?\u00c2\u00a0 We gonna go play Junior Brown!” – the refrigerator would hide in the closet.<\/p>\n
Now, Fat Albert is a drain on our nation’s healthcare funding on account of he keeps getting into humorous accidents because he’s so fat.\u00c2\u00a0 So what we need to do my friends is increase awareness and promotion of fitness programs in our schools.\u00c2\u00a0 I have also been asked to remind you all there’s nothing healthier or more patriotic than Jell-O Jigglers.<\/p>\n
Good night.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Friends and fellow Americans, When I was growing up in Philadelphia, one of the kids we’d play with was named Albert.\u00c2\u00a0 And Albert was fat.\u00c2\u00a0 So fat.\u00c2\u00a0 Albert was so fat that we all called him, “Fat Albert.”\u00c2\u00a0 Not maliciously, you understand.\u00c2\u00a0 We called Harold Tall Harold because he was tall.\u00c2\u00a0 We were consistent.\u00c2\u00a0 That […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1418","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-misc"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1418","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1418"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1418\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1418"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1418"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.alertnerd.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1418"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}