Complaining about Free Comic Book Day seems like a true asshole move. After all, it is a day that has become a kind of Nerd Christmas, when the geek masses flood their local geek emporiums in order to receive FREE COMIC BOOKS. In a perfect world, they rub elbows with the great unwashed masses who don’t know from comics, yet also receive FREE COMIC BOOKS, and everyone celebrates the art form and hobby I love.

So first: Thanks to all the stores participating in Free Comic Book Day. You’re doing good work, and mostly, you’re doing it well.

Now let me bitch, like the whiny weasel bitch that I am.

I had a small window of time to celebrate FCBD, and two stores to hit. The second my kid’s head hit the pillow for her afternoon nap, I was on the road.

My first stop was a store that had just remodeled, occupying a new space straight across from a huge mall multiplex movie theater. It’s a gorgeous place, roomy and well organized, giving off more of a warm Borders vibe than anything else. The perfect locale for new fans to be born, as they rushed over for free stuff either before or after catching the fantastic new Iron Man flick.

Except that this store had the free comics buried deep within the confines of their new space; it took me a few minutes to find them, when it should have taken seconds. They also had a THREE COMIC LIMIT, and no fewer than four store employees standing around the free books at any given moment, noting the limit every few minutes and basically policing the nice random strangers from getting TOO MUCH FREE STUFF.

Call me the Grinch What Stole FCBD, but I think a limit on the number of comics you can get sorta defeats the purpose of Free Comic Book Day. As it’s evolved, FCBD has basically come to serve two audiences: Diehard comics readers who want to get free stuff and maybe check out material they might not otherwise see, and non-readers of varying descriptions who turn up because they heard about the free stuff.

Neither of these audiences is served by a limit, because no one gets to really TRY anything they don’t already WANT. Like most fans, I went into FCBD with a small list of titles I knew I wanted to check out, and it was way longer than three. So it’s possible I would have just gotten material I already was reading, like DC Universe Zero, which this store had for free (admittedly, a nice move) but which isn’t really gonna convince me to try any additional DC books, since I’m already gonna get most of them anyway.

For the novice, a limit just forces them to pick up stuff they already recognize, so you may see a few more of the mainstream Marvel and DC type books in the hands of people who otherwise would never read them, or maybe some Disney or Simpsons books in the hands of kids. Instead, these people should be leaving with embarassingly huge stacks of comics, each one an opportunity to engage a new reader with material they’ve never experienced–in other words, the promise of mainstream superheroes may get them in the door, but the Owly or Hellboy or Graphic Classics books would leave with them too, and may open their eyes to new experiences.

(I realize this is all in theory, too; we could debate the actual merit of FCBD in both bringing in new readers and selling new material to existing readers. Ideally, some of both is happening, and even if it’s little more than an ideal, shouldn’t that be what we’re all trying for anyway? Achieving ideals?

(Yes, you can quote me for your motivational poster.)

So there I am, standing around this table with a pile of twenty-something free books, and I finally notice the three-book limit. I get this cold clammy sweat down my back, because I don’t make it into comic shops often these days; as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve got this adorable and expensive toddler who will NOT STOP DIRTYING DISPOSABLE DIAPERS. I’d been looking forward to Free Comic Book Day for weeks, and now these people were trying to LIMIT my free comics? It’s like coming downstairs to find a pile of presents under the tree, and Santa’s standing there insisting you only get ONE.

I’m not proud of what happened next, but it’s what happened: My heart started racing a bit, I walked through a deserted section of the store toward a back exit, and I left with all twenty of my free comics.

***

Seriously, though? Three book limit on Free Comic Book Day? ANY limit on Free Comic Book Day?

Weak sauce. WEAK SAUCE.

***

The second store was far more appealing; there was a long row of tables right by the door, with short boxes full of each FCBD title, and no limits whatsoever. At the end of the row of boxes were four comics professionals signing the FCBD books and generally commiserating with fans. There was also a 20% off sale on everything in the store, which was enough to draw me into picking up a few back issues. As opposed to my antics at the Big Pretty Mall Comic Shop, where I nervously flipped through a crappy quarter bin on my way out the back door with my stolen free stuff.

Still, having hit two separate stores, one good and one bad, there remained a handful of FCBD books that I didn’t even SEE out there. I didn’t reach these stores till around 1 p.m. so it’s possible these books were out there and just got taken first, but I wish there were some way to get these books, even now–maybe a way to order online a few weeks after FCBD, or some digital downloads a month or two later?

Anyway, it was a good FCBD for me, but not a great one. Better luck next year, I suppose.